~A STORY ~ If I could turn back time...~

Have you ever wondered what would be different in your life had you helped someone realize a dream.

Especially if it was your own child? 

I do.  Often.

Yesterday I was going through desk drawers in the guest room.  Some I haven't really looked in for a few years.  Say..five?  I came across a "tear page" from a magazine in our area that my son modeled for..and memories came flooding back.

And I, as always, began to wonder and  regret swept over me again.  I do that lately for whatever reason.

I try not to but perhaps it's just that time of life.  

As you know or may not know, I have seven grown children.  (I will always, always count my Sandy.)
There is Patrick, Michael, Sandy, Danny, Erin, Maryalice and Dawn.
  

Out eldest son, Patrick R.J, had a dream.

In high school he was cast in "Annie Get Your Gun" and when the cast was called on stage, my son got a standing ovation and he was bit by the acting bug ...in a big way..and he began to dream.

After high school, he joined the Marine Corp..

Later he got married and attended The University of California at Santa Barbara.

He majored in the arts and minored in business.  He was in a production of "Of Mice and Men"..and the dream continued.

On stage at our local college he was in Rhinestone Cowboy and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolored  Dream Coat, Damn Yankee's etc. and yes, he had the lead parts.

He fell more and more in love with his craft.  After he graduated from College he and his wife and baby returned to Riverside..for what was supposed to be a short time.  Another baby came..time went on and my son's dream began to slip away from him.
One day he nearly left for Hollywood, but...he didn't.  He stayed..and they worked and saved and worked.
His wife's dream was to have her own bakery.  

Together they worked hard for her to fulfill her dream

I think at one time I had thought he was satisfied with his life.  He loved his wife and babies..
..and then one day he came to me.
He asked me to please, please move with them to Los Angeles and help with the children so his wife could work and I would care for the children..(his father and I) and he could try to fulfill his dream.
I remember feeling a bit of panic.
You see, we were on the brink of retirement and Patrick and I dreamed of traveling in a motor home and seeing the country. I had raised seven children and I wanted to realize our own dreams.

I won't go into detail of that conversation because even after all these years I cannot remember it without crying.  It is one of my biggest regrets in life and I will forever see him as he looked at me that day.
I hesitated and in that moment of hesitation, he knew.  I said I would think about it...but my son..he knew.
He never asked again.

Do you ever have moments when you are just plain filled with regret?  Sorrow?
Look into my son's eyes.
I'm sorry son!
I'm sorry!
Sometimes I pray that God forgives me for letting my son down. 

As he has grown older he has gone through some bitterness and anger that began to show, I knew where it came from.  His family knew.  We all knew.
I think he is okay now.
I pray he is okay.

************
I am getting my Easter cartons out tomorrow.  I just want to...you know...look at things.  Plan.
:)
It's not even "legally" Spring yet..but it takes time to decorate and fiddle with things around the house.
So..
I was wondering...do you like wallpaper?  Old fashioned or not, I love the stuff!
Love,
Mona