I've been wondering about something. Do any of you out there with grown adult children find yourselves anxious to please? I mean overly so. I find it mainly with my daughters. I fear them finding fault with me. Of course I want to please them, but this is some sort of real fear I have of their getting upset with me.
It's silly, I know that. I'm still the Mom, but the times that I have felt their disapproval have been devastating to me. I find myself being quiet ..or trying too hard to say and do the right thing. I never butt into their lives.
Disapproval came when I remarried and it frightened me. I am not a loner and it was four years before I even considered moving forward and making a new life for myself.
It was not pleasant.
One of the mistakes I made was thinking since they were grown with their own grown children..that what I did would not matter to them. It did! I married a wonderful man and they are all fond of him..but still...
One daughter said that they, my family, should be enough for me.
If you haven't felt like this...good! I don't know where it's coming from but it's a very deep fear..
This is something that began after their father died fifteen years ago.
Morning coffee, and watching the birds. The morning sun filters through..it's nice. Really nice.
I have dreams constantly of being lost. No truck, no purse, no phone, no money..nothing. And I am among total strangers. In a recent dream I woke screaming. I was begging strangers to please help me find my family! I saw a group of people sitting at a restaurant table and I thought they were my family as they were passing around pictures and laughing together. I rushed over to them, but they were strangers.. Its the same dream over and over always in different ways. I know it's just a dream..but I sometimes dread going to sleep for fear of those dreams. It's silly, I know. :)
I keep thinking they will go away but they never do.
I am a very loved Mom...so I don't understand this at all.
It's obvious that I'm afraid of losing something. I've had loss, but so has most everyone.
I keep trying to find reasons for these dreams...
Maybe that is why I fear my children getting upset with me. Maybe I think I will lose them.
I brought three hanging plants from the back patio to the front porch. See the wires running down the post of the porch? We are going to have an electrical outlet installed out there so that the fountain, Christmas lights, etc. can be plugged in without all the wires. So much to do, so little time. :)
I know...I'm rambling on. I realize this is NOT the place to do this...but I am who I am.
Hmmm...now I wonder who said that?